​​memory box

​​​This is a box meant to house your pet’s special things, such as their favorite toy(s), leash, collar, tag, clothing, hair... fill in your blank.

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You can use anything from a shoebox, a wooden box from a craft store, a basic clear box from a big-box store, or even a simple Amazon cardboard box. Get creative... or don't. You may want to paint or collage your box with photos or words cut from magazines. I find decorating the box to be a healing expression, but we all grieve in different ways, so if it's not your thing, or feels too emotionally raw, skip it for now - or forever. What’s inside the box is most important.  You can always update the box aesthetically at another time if you wish.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ If preserved right, some items in my dog's box still carry his unique scent. Every once in a while, I take out his collar and inhale his scent. The same goes for his hair (which can be stored in a small jar or Ziplock bag), as well as some of his well-loved dog toys.​

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scrapbook/photo album/video​​

These are great ways to capture your pet’s life visually. In the age of digital media, I don’t think we spend enough time truly looking at photos. Our pictures can easily get lost among the hundreds of images on our phones. I recommend uploading those digital files to be printed so you can view them intentionally. 
 

A scrapbook has room for embellishments, such as adding their tag or adoption papers, and it has more space to write than a simple photo album. It can read like a picture book. A photo album can speak for itself and, depending on the style, can include room for text beside the photo. It is a matter of personal preference. There are also web-based services (such as Shutterfly) that allow you to create a book using uploaded photos and allow for text. 

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Another option for displaying your pet's photos is a digital picture frame that rotates a variety of pictures.

 

If you are tech-savvy, a video slideshow serves the same purpose. Jordon Frank, a musician, created a short video—"Chasing Butterflies"—when he knew his dog was dying. Following the death of her cat, a friend created a YouTube video displaying photos and videos to music. An acquaintance of mine made a documentary about life with his dog - "Sadie's Story: A Lifetime of Love and Adventure." This one is crazy impressive, but he is a professional. ​​​​​

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remembrance area​

This is an area of your home devoted to the pet's memory. I have heard it called a shrine, but I don't love that word for it. I prefer to think of it as a museum-like space. Initially, I noticed that having my dog's belongings and photos scattered around the house triggered the heavy feelings to come out -  all the time. The thing is, grief is going to come up when it wants - it doesn't have an on/off button, but I found I needed to set boundaries so I wasn't repeatedly traumatizing myself. I moved them into a safe place in one area of my house instead of surrounding myself with them. Even though I am now in a place where I display photos of him throughout the house, I've also kept the designated space because it's a place I can visit. As the shape of your grief evolves, your arrangement may shift.

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My space is a ladder shelf in the corner of my living room. It contains several framed photos of Tovi, his favorite toys, a fur clipping, his leash, his winter coat, and the "Best Dog" bandana he wore at my wedding. His ashes remain in my bedroom, and my current dogs use beds and blankets. When I adopted a subsequent dog, I wouldn't allow her to use them - his things were off-limits because they were all I had left of him, and I wasn't ready to let go of any part of that. As time passed and I settled into my After, his belongings became less emotionally charged. Today, I have no issue with my current dog curling up and enjoying his bed and blankers. I actually like the idea of him being with her.  (I have retired his leash, though -I wanted those adventures to remain ours alone.

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Early on, however, you may not be in an emotional place where you can safely look at your pet's things. For some, especially when the loss is fresh, it is just too painful, and it is best to protect oneself from ongoing retraumatization. The morning after my parents' dog died in a traumatic accident, they bagged up all of her things and drove them to a shelter to donate. Giving away a pet's things for another animal to use is a beautiful way to honor them. However, they did it because they wanted every reminder that she ever existed out of their home. Their new reality was too much to bear. Months later, they regretted not keeping some of her well-loved toys.

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As time passes, your grief will change shape, and you may feel safer confronting it. It may also feel comforting to see, hold, and smell some of your pet's things. This is why I recommend bagging up your pet's belongings and putting it out of sight. That may involve giving the bag to a family member or friend, or storing it in a designated area of your home. This way, it will be out of sight but still accessible when (and if) you are ready.  

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jewelry

After Tovi died, my veterinarian cut off some of his hair, and I had it preserved in a ring. Jewelry can also be made from the pet's ashes. Funeral homes sometimes offer this service, and I have found many options on Etsy (see Keepsake page for examples). 

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do it yourself custom pet portrait.

From a photo of your pet, a drawing of your pet will be made for you to Paint By Number or decorate with Diamond Art. Examples of these kits can be found on the Keepsakes page. If art isn't your thing, I also provide recs for artists who specialize in professional pet portraits.

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kids.​

​​​Just about everything listed above can be used or adapted for kids. Kids are like foreign creatures to me, so I can't responsibly say too much about specific activities. However, I will share my favorite resources.

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Many years ago, while in graduate school, I  babysat on the side and brought my dog with me to all my jobs. He had the ideal temperament for it, and kids loved him. One day, a five-year-old girl, observing how much I adored him, suggested I write a book about him. I’ll never forget her advice, “If you love him so much, why don’t you write a book about him!” It's stuck with me ever since, and when he died, I began writing.

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Writing a story about the pet is a great emotional release for kids and creates a physical item that a child can hold onto. Kids love to tell stories, so pull out the crayons, markers, paint, glitter, felt, photos, glue—whatever works for you—and let the creative process take over.​​​​​​ If you kept some of the pet’s hair, consider gluing it onto the drawing. Keep in mind that different age groups will vary based on their developmental abilities. The book does not have to contain words; it can be as simple as a collection of pictures or drawings.

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To avoid reinventing the wheel, below are a few resources to help guide the story.

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Remembering a Beloved Pet (Kidlutions, Solutions for Kids)

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I Miss My Pet: A Workbook for Children About Pet Loss (Katie Nurmi)

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Chance's Spot - Pet Loss Grief and Support

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"From Lucy and Co." offers a personalized pet loss book designed for children. You will be asked to answer questions about the pet which she will turn into a story.

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**Supportive resources to talk to children about pet loss can be found on the kiddos & grief page. 

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