Your house is quiet. You are profoundly lonely.

The void of meows, barks, and pitter-patter of feet is unbearable.

​

​It’s natural to yearn for this brand of companionship again.

And, that yearning can bring feelings of guilt & betrayal.

Co-existing feelings are uncomfortable. Confusing. Struggle to occupy the same space.​

​​

You desperately seek direction.

But there's no roadmap. No GPS.

​

​​Readiness is a deeply personal experience.

Unique to the individual. Unique to the pet. Unique to the bond.

 

And yet, grief shares similar themes.

My insights born of the bittersweet gift of hindsight...

 

The most important question I never thought to ask myself:

“Are you emotionally available to get into a new relationship?”

 

Be honest with yourself about what you have to give.
​​​Because grief is exhausting & relationships take work. They're not always compatible​​.

​

Don’t rush the process: Let your grief do grief authentically.

Otherwise, it may appear like an unwanted guest when you least expect it.

​

Beware of rebound relationships.

When we desperately yearn for "That" connection, they're appealing in the short term.

But they can lead to regret.

​

It might ease your grief.

Or, it might put your grief on steroids.

There is a distinct grief when a new relationship isn't turning out the way you expected.

It can leave you with that "if I thought my grief was bad before" feeling.

Don’t ignore your gut – it knows stuff we don’t.

The brain on grief can cloud judgment.

Listen to all your feelings. Especially the ones you don't want to hear.​​​​​

​​

Check your intentions because attachments don’t transfer. 

New Pet won't slide right into the fabric of your life.

“That” exact brand of connection isn’t coming back.

By design, it can't be duplicated.

​​

Every time we fall in love, it’s a different experience.

A beautiful and heartbreaking reality.
​​​​​

It's not meant to be a sequel. It's an entirely new movie in a different genre.

Expecting a sequel puts a lot of pressure on New Pet.

And it is a completely unfair way to begin a new relationship.

​​

This new movie might suck.

It might be a G-rated fairy tale with a happy ending.

It might be a complicated drama.

​​

Do you have the emotional bandwidth to hold the growing pains?  
You literally just met, flew to Vegas to get married, and moved in together.

In any other scenario, this wouldn't be the healthiest start to a relationship.

You haven’t learned your new partner’s “stuff” yet, and they haven’t learned yours.

Can you walk through the trenches alongside the grief?

​

Are you able to enter into a new relationship without expectations or resentment?​​

Or will you fixate on how Deeply Missed Pet fit like a glove and how this new glove feels three times too small and made with itchy material?​

​​

Pack your patience.

Be honest with yourself, that comfy glove fit didn’t happen overnight. 

Have compassion for yourself.

Have compassion for New Pet.

You are not the only one who is feeling overwhelmed.

​

It's not a betrayal.

You can love Deeply Missed Pet AND open yourself up to love again.

​One relationship does not diminish the other.

They are completely separate entities.

​​​​​​​​​​​

There's no timeline. Don't judge your process. 

Drop the "shoulds." The "it's too soon."

You know yourself best.

 Be thoughtful, but don’t get stuck on overthinking.

​​​​​​

We can never go into anything with absolute certainty.

But we can go in with eyes wide open.

We can prepare a net to catch us if we fall.

We can put on a life preserver.​

We can bring a toolbox to mend the bumps along the way.

​​

If you're in it and encountering challenges, check out my relationship advice.