Pet . Therapy. Notes...
rehoming a beloved pet
You have every right to grieve a pet that is alive, but no longer "yours."
I don’t know your particular circumstances, but I imagine this is not a decision you made lightly, or without some level of shame, and maybe even heartbreak.
Life happens, and sometimes we find ourselves in situations we could have never imagined.
Rehoming is not a personal failure. It is not a reflection of your love.
You can love your pet and still fall victim to life’s circumstances. You can love your pet and still be unable to live safely with them.
Sometimes, despite best intentions, there are barriers we face that outweigh individual choices.
I’m deeply sorry for your loss.
we need to change the narrative.
In our society, rehoming or surrendering a pet is a highly stigmatized and often misunderstood loss.
It’s human nature to rely on stereotypes to help us make sense of the world. When we hear a brief snippet of a much larger, deeply complex story, we tend to fill in the blanks with assumptions that lean toward the owner as uncaring and the pet as unloved.
We tell ourselves we would never do that.
We firmly believe we can overcome any obstacle to keep our pet.
But what if, as a loving pet owner, we couldn’t?
Should we be condemned to a lifetime of shame and banned from ever owning a pet again?
This is why we need to look deeper.
Even though I’ve been in animal rescue for over twenty years, it wasn't until I began working on the owner-surrender side and saw families struggling firsthand that I realized the heartbreaking realities we face.
Until I found myself in a challenging pet relationship, which taught me you just can't "train" a behavior out of an animal, I couldn’t have ever known.
And now that I know, I can’t unknow.
And it’s changed everything for me, including understanding the very real dangers of owner shaming. I’ve learned two very powerful realities...
We can’t responsibly judge someone’s life circumstances based on our own.
When we have resources and support to fall back on, it’s hard to imagine a reality without these safety nets. It’s likely that others, too, once believed they would never find themselves in a difficult situation, yet here they are. Most people don't go into pet ownership with ill intent, nor do they intend to leave it that way.
I don't believe shaming comments to be malicious. This is a space that evokes strong emotions. Our expression of anger and frustration is often driven by a love for animals and the pain we feel when they lose their homes.
Lashing out at the human can feel like a way to show compassion and advocate for animals.
But it’s often misdirected.
The thing is, when a pet is suffering, it’s likely their human is too.
When we’re stuck in anger, it's easy to overlook that losing a beloved pet can be one of the most significant traumas in someone’s life. When we lean on stereotypes, we don’t see the vulnerable person behind a vague backstory who may be going through the worst time of their life.
And when we default to shaming a person who is already deeply struggling, we only add another layer to their pain.
Until I witnessed loving pet owners leaving the shelter with an unattached leash or empty carrier, unable to catch their breath through their tears, I couldn’t have known.
Most of us can’t.
And that’s okay, but it’s also why we are where we are with owner shaming.
I’m very aware that not every owner is emotionally attached to their pet and won’t experience a painful goodbye.
But what if, for the sake of those who do, we added another narrative to the conversation?
One that doesn't rely on stereotypes.
One that doesn’t lean on assumptions and jump to conclusions.
One that doesn’t default to demonizing people we know nothing about.
What if we introduced a narrative that fosters greater compassion and a deeper understanding of the human experience?
from the blog.
Rehoming Pets - Beware of the Comments: I Worry We Are Shaming People Away From Seeking Help.
from the blog.
Sometimes Rehoming Your Dog Is The Right Decision
audio/video.
Rehoming Your Dog? Coping With Guilt & Grief When You Have to Give Your Dog Away
visit therapy/support page for individual and group support.
Please note, this page addresses all of the emotions associated with this unique loss.
For concrete rehoming suggestions, please visit rehoming resources.
Visit the solution center: pet parenting resources to keep your pet, to learn about financial and behavioral resources that may help keep your family intact.