I'm wordy, and attention spans are short. Scroll past the text for resources.

Often, when a pet is struggling, so is their person.

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You imagined pet ownership would be a magical experience, but it’s not going so well.

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New Pet is destroying your home, growling and lunging at other dogs, neighbors are complaining about the constant barking, and they are peeing everywhere BUT the litterbox.

You’re overwhelmed.

You're mourning the vision of what you expected pet parenting to look like.

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You find yourself regretful and panicked about the next decade-plus commitment you've made to spending with a pet you may not like right now.

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Yet, it feels taboo to talk about.

Because (insert sarcasm) what kind of person doesn’t like their pet?

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The fear of judgment makes a time when we MOST need support, an isolating experience.

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That isolation is reinforced when we see perfectly behaved pets portrayed in popular media.

Then,

But complicated relationships are a “thing.”

And more common than you could ever imagine.

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So why AREN’T we talking about them?

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I’m passionate about having these conversations because I lived here.

I thought I would die here (ok, dramatic exaggeration, but it was a bad time in my life).

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We might seek guidance on how to "fix" their behavior.

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And while training can be a game-changer, it’s not always enough.

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I wasn’t any closer to “okay.”

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We also need to acknowledge OUR pain and OUR emotional experience.

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The more I committed myself to improving New Dog's experience of the world,

the worse mine became.

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 I needed a space to process the disappointment, resentment, anxiety & caregiver burden.

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A meltdown nine months into our relationship led me to therapy.

It was there that I finally saw MY part.

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There, I learned MY emotional health mattered too.
 

I began to focus less on change and more on acceptance.

I stopped blaming New Dog for ruining my life (as if that was ever her intent).

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New Dog was still New Dog, but I was coping more effectively.

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I leaned into the relationship I was in and away from the fantasy.

I realized Connection doesn’t always look like what we expect.

We started there.

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Here's the thing I wish I knew sooner: ​

You're not a terrible person if you're not madly in love with your pet.

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​Regardless of the species, relationships are complicated and take time to develop.

Sure, sometimes we get lucky, and that chemistry sparks right away.

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But love can also be a slow build.

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​So, how I NOT know...

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That it would take time to get into a rhythm of figuring out how to do life together?

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That there's baggage from both parties to sort through?

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That there would be expectations to check. Patience to be had. Trust to be developed?

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Because we never saw anything other than the idyllic pet/human bond.

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Had I gone in knowing that complicated relationships were a “Thing,” the foundation on which our relationship was built could have been stronger.

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Had my expectations not set me up for disappointment, I might have had more trust in the process, acceptance of what was in front of me, and far fewer meltdowns.

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So, again, why AREN’T we talking about this?

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We are.

But it's not as accessible as the good stuff.

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And when we don’t see ourselves represented, we feel alone when we just want to fit in.

So we stay silent.

We pretend everything is just peachy.

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I wish someone had normalized my experience and told me about this secret society.

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If you’re feeling stuck in your relationship, your people are out there.

There are places that you will feel seen and understood. 

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After finding the "Things,"  I compiled what I consider a pretty good resource library below. ​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​