this isn't what I signed up for...

Reconciling the pet you have versus the pet you thought you would get – Emotionally navigating behavioral challenges.

(Pro tip: give it time.)

Photo by author - From Hallmark Movie, "Love and Sunshine"

There is a distinct type of grief that comes with not having the idyllic relationship you assumed would come with pet ownership. When you don’t feel that “connection,” it’s normal to feel a sense of disappointment and mourning for what you expected pet parenting to look like.

Let me be the first to tell you: You are not a terrible person if you aren’t madly in love with your pet. You might be surprised to hear this is actually an appropriate response to entering a new relationship or to being in a rocky long-term relationship. It's also more common than one might think - we just don't hear about it because there is a taboo-ness surrounding it.

Imagine picking someone up at a bar, and before even having a first date, they move in. In any world, this wouldn't be considered the healthiest decision. So while sometimes we get lucky, and that chemistry sparks right away, other times, love is a slow build, getting to know each other and accepting each other's "stuff." There's baggage from both parties to sort through. Expectations to check. Trust to be developed. Patience to be had. And most importantly, compassion to be felt for the confused new pet who doesn't yet know how to be.

When we adjust our expectations and accept our pet for who they are, it can lessen the resentment we feel for them not being the pet we want them to be. I beleive this is the foundation of a healthy relationship.

If you’re feeling defeated, I’m here to assure you that things can improve. I liken training to couples counseling: all parties need to work on their stuff, and that includes the human learning how to be a pet parent. Don’t get me wrong — While symptoms can improve, animals have temperaments that we cannot just train out of them, and sometimes, no matter how hard you try to make it work, there are irreconcilable differences, and parting ways is the kindest decision for all. But first, let's work on it...read on here.

blog.

When You Regret Adopting Your Dog: Don't Worry, It Gets Better.

Sometimes We Need Counseling for Pet/Human Relationships

This Isn’t What I Signed Up For: Navigating Emotional and Behavioral Challenges In Pet Relationships

The Hallmark Dog Syndrome: It's Like the Human Equivalent of Body Shaming

Canine Love on the Rebound (originally published in the Chicago Tribune)

training resources/emotional support.

Rescued by Training

Kate is a professional dog trainer and certified behavior consultant specializing in fear and aggression. As a former shelter trainer, she partners with rescues and shelters to help adopted and foster dogs succeed by offering free downloads addressing various dog behaviors. Also check out her blog, "All Things Dog and Behavior Training." In addition to training, she offers consultations on surrendering, re-homing, and behavioral euthanasia and can help guide you through this decision. She offers a free checklist with her top ten suggestions to consider before surrendering or rehoming your dog.

Ann King: Canine Behavioral Consultant

Ann is a Certified Canine Behavior Consultant who has worked with dogs in rescues and shelters for more than 30 years. She developed "Rescue S.M.A.R.T." as a resource for dog rescue organizations, dog fosters, and new dog adopters to help give dogs the best chance possible at finding and staying in their forever homes. Her site offers a free training library on a variety of training resources.