Your house is quiet, you are profoundly lonely, and the void of meows, barks, and pitter-patter of feet is unbearable. It's common to feel guilt at the thought of welcoming love again. But when?

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People often ask my advice on when to bring a new pet into their lives after losing their beloved companion. The answer: It depends (on many things), but for me, the most important question to ask yourself is, "Are you emotionally available to get into a new relationship?"  

Being ready means understanding that welcoming a new pet into your life is not a betrayal of your beloved pet, and in no way negates the love you feel for your previous pet. The truth is, you never "get over" a loss, nor should you! It is knowing that you will always deeply love and miss your beloved pet, AND you feel ready to open yourself up to love again.

Being ready is knowing that there is no such thing as a "replacement" because attachments cannot transfer. Every time we fall in love, it is a unique experience. Your new pet will not be a carbon copy of your previous pet, and if you don't enter into a new relationship understanding this, you are setting yourself up to resent your new pet. Trust me - I did it, and it severely complicated our bonding process. 

After that, there is no formal timeline. Healing and readiness vary for everyone and are further influenced by the type of loss experienced. Readiness is recognizing where you are emotionally and what you realistically have to give. If you feel that you are ready sooner than you think you “should” be, don’t judge that. You know yourself better than anyone else.

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Just make sure you understand your intentions for welcoming a new pet into your life, and examine your expectations. Understand that a new pet will not bring with it the familiar connection you shared with your previous pet that you long for. This is not going to be a sequel- it will be an entirely new movie. You must be so clear about that.

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Have patience because getting to know each other and developing relationships takes time. Over the time you shared with your beloved pet, you got to know every little thing about them - now, you are starting from scratch, and a new relationship has to be built. You just met. You haven't learned your new partner's "stuff" yet, and they haven't learned yours. This can be especially frustrating when you think back to your previous pet that fit like a glove, and this new glove feels three times too small. It takes time to grow into each other. Give it that time, and catch yourself when your mind wanders into the dangerous waters of comparing.

Remember: Brand new relationship. For better or worse, the one you had will never be duplicated. ​​

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