top of page

This First-Aid kit is in development – I am continuously adding topics, so be sure to pop back in.  Please contact me with ideas you would like to explore or tools you would like to share – guest writers are welcome and appreciated!

If you stumbled on this site hoping to find a magic formula to anesthetize your pain, you won’t find it here. (Spoiler alert: no such thing exists). What I can offer is a virtual First-Aid kit to take with you on your journey. I speak through the lens of my training as a mental health professional and my personal experience. For consistency, I refer to the “pet” as a male dog (I speak of what I know) but fill in your blanks. Regardless of species, it is about our relationship and the feelings surrounding it. 

If nothing else, know there is no “right” way to grieve. There is no metric determining the length of time or severity. Your grief is very much tied to the strength of your relationship. It is also affected by your coping skills, support system (or lack thereof), past experiences, and your pet's role in your life. That said, loss is not diminished if you are part of a family unit versus it having been only you and your pet; it is just different.

It is also important to remember that grief isn’t linear and that it contains seemingly endless layers. While you may arrive at a place where you feel at peace with your loss, triggers are everywhere, so know it can arise at unexpected times. The difference is in the severity. Shortly after my dog died, I distinctly recall breaking down in an aisle of PetSmart upon hearing a dog whimpering in excitement the same way Tovi had. Years later, I heard that whimper again, and while it still stung, I welcomed the dormant memory it sparked. Grief should leave a healthy scar: a wound no longer painful to touch but ever-present.

So, surrender to your grief. Get angry. Have a tantrum. Be irritable. Cry (it’s a great release). Miss. Yearn. Feel your heartbreak. Replay memories in your head. Mope around.

Give yourself permission and space to feel all the feelings. No social pleasantries needed.

But be so, so, so careful not to build a home there (think of it as a sublet apartment). We never “move on,” but we must move forward, tucking the memories away safely in our hearts. We settle into the AFTER. Our pets would not want to see us suffering indefinitely. As we work though grief, it begins to manifest with more love than pain. I knew I had turned a corner when I found myself smiling and filled with happiness and love as I went through the photos which were once too painful to look at.

Grab some ointment, Band-Aids, and gauze, and let’s go!

bottom of page