​​​If you stumbled on this site hoping to find a magic formula to anesthetize your pain, you won’t find it here. (Spoiler alert: no such thing exists). What I can offer is a virtual First-Aid kit to take with you on your journey. The type of "First-Aid" I speak to is more like a hug from a friend and less like stitching up a wound. While I have a counseling background, I am not a professional. I certainly don't write like a professional, and none of this is professional advice. I am just a person who feels deeply and is hoping to spread hugs during this crappy time. 

 

My experience is with dogs, but regardless of species, it is about our relationship and the feelings surrounding it, which can be universal.​​  If nothing else, know there is no “right” way to grieve. There is no metric determining the length of time or severity. I believe your grief is very much tied to the strength of your relationship. It is also affected by your coping skills, support system (or lack thereof), past experiences, and your pet's role in your life. 

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It is also important to remember that grief isn’t linear and can have many layers. While you may arrive at a place where you feel at peace with your loss, triggers are everywhere, so know that it can arise at unexpected times. The difference will be in the severity. I believe grief should leave a healthy scar: a wound no longer painful to touch, but that always remains a part of you. Some scars never fully heal and that is OK too.

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So, surrender to your grief. Get angry. Allow your heart to shatter. Have a tantrum. Be irritable. Cry (it’s a great release). Miss. Yearn. Feel your heartbreak. Replay memories in your head. Mope around.

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Give yourself permission and space to feel all the feelings. No social pleasantries needed.

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But be so, so, so careful not to build a home there (think of it as a sublet apartment). We never “move on,” but we must move forward, tucking the memories away safely in our hearts. We settle into the AFTER. Our pets would not want to see us suffering indefinitely. As we work through grief, it begins to manifest with more love than pain. I knew I had turned a corner when I found myself smiling as I viewed photos that were once too painful to look at - the shape of my grief had transformed.

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Anticipatory Grief