Creative Strategies to Process Loss /
Memorializing Your Pet

​​​​​​Memory Box

​​​Create a box to house your pet’s special things, such as their favorite toy(s), leash, collar, tag, clothing, hair, clay paw print (many veterinarians offer this service at the time of euthanasia)... fill in your blank. The box can be as simple as taking a shoebox and collaging it with photos, and/or words from magazines, stickers, etc. Most craft stores sell unfinished wooden boxes, which work great, too and can be painted. You can often get out-of-date magazines from doctor’s offices or by posting a request on a neighborhood social media page. You may want to include the pet's name and date of birth (or gotcha-day) - death.  

 

I suggest decorating the box because many people find it to be a healing expression. However, there is no need to if it’s not your thing. It is what’s inside the box that is most important. Be sure to choose a size that works for your needs. You can purchase a basic clear hard box just about anywhere (Amazon, big-box store, craft shop, you get the idea).​ If you prefer, you can order a personalized memorial box.  My favorite place to shop for these unique items is Etsy (an online marketplace for handmade and unique items - keyword search "pet keepsake box").  ​​​​​​

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​​​Interesting fact - Some items in Tovi’s box still carry his unique scent. Every once in a while, I take out his collar and inhale his scent. The same goes for his hair (which can be preserved in a small jar or Ziplock bag), and some of his well-loved dog toys.​​​

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Scrapbook/Photo Album/Video​​

These are great ways to capture your pet’s life visually. In the age of digital media, I don’t think we spend enough time truly looking at photos, and they are often lost between the hundreds of images we have on our phones. I recommend uploading those digital files to be printed, so that you can be intentional in your viewing. 
 

A scrapbook can be purchased at a craft store and has room for embellishments such as stickers, and has more space to write on than a simple photo album. A photo album can speak for itself and, depending on the style, can include room for text beside the photo. It is simply a matter of personal preference. There are also web-based services (such as Shutterfly) that allow you to create a book using uploaded photos and allows for text.

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It is helpful for children to share the book with others as they verbalize the memories into a story.

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If you are tech-savvy, a video slideshow serves the same purpose. Jordon Frank, a musician, created a short video—"Chasing Butterflies"—when he knew his dog was dying. Sportscaster Kerb Herbstreit, also made a video in memory of his dog, Ben - "A Tribute To Ben Herbstreit". A simple slideshow to music can be just as powerful.

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​Object to Represent the Pet

This can be anything tangible that reminds you of your pet. The possibilities are endless – some ideas include a framed photograph, boxed ashes, tag, memorial stone, favorite toy, blanket, jewelry. Creating a shrine to the pet in an area of your home can include all these things. Even though my shrine is in my living room, I like the idea of a defined space, as it is a place I can visit and explore like a museum. In the beginning, for me, I found having his items and photos scattered around the house triggered the hard feelings everywhere I looked, and I needed to separate that into a safe place I choose to go to rather than surround myself in. As the shape of your grief changes, the display of items may as well. They may feel more tolerable to spread out - or they may not.  Similarly, scattering the items throughout your home and not feeling it necessary to create a devoted space may feel OK to some, so do not judge your preference.

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I recommend giving a child the pet’s favorite stuffed toy, though I will say this can also be done for adults. I slept with my dog’s well-loved toy for many months after he passed.

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Jewelry

After Tovi died, I asked my veterinarian to cut off some of his hair, and I had it made into a ring. I brought the hair to a local jeweler, and they were able to design it.  Jewelry can also be made from the pet's ashes. Funeral homes sometimes offer this service, and I have found many options on Etsy. Etsy sellers can also make jewelry from a photo or a simply stated name necklace (pet's name). See the Keepsake page for ideas.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Kids.​

Additional resources for children on articles and websites pages.

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Just about everything listed above can be used/adapted by kids. Holding a tangible item is a great way to keep the pet's memory close. Sleeping with a pet's special blanket or favorite toy is a way to feel connected for both kids and adults. I also love memorial jewelry (i.e. necklace with pet's photo, name necklace, etc - see Keepsake page for ideas).

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My absolute favorite memorial item for kids is a stuffed animal  (Miss Reenie's Babies) made of dog toys or a pet blanket. 

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As with writing for adults, I encourage similar creative practices for kids to express their feelings. Creating a storybook that children can read to themselves and others can help them keep the memories nearby.  While this activity is designed for children, all of the exercises mentioned can be adapted for adults. 

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About twenty years, I babysat on the side while I was in grad school, and I would bring Tovi with me to all my jobs. He had the ideal temperament for it, and kids loved him. One of the kids could tell how much I adored Tovi and suggested I write a book about him. I’ll never forget her advice, “If you love him so much, why don’t you write a book about him!” 

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Writing a story about the pet is a great emotional release for kids (as with adults) and creates a tangible item a child can hold onto. Kids love to tell stories, so pull out the crayons, markers, paint, glitter, felt, photos, glue—whatever works for you—and let the creative process take over.​​​​

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If you kept some of the pet’s hair (a veterinarian can cut some at the time of euthanasia), consider gluing it onto the drawing. Keep in mind that different ages will be able to execute this based on their developmental ability. The book does not have to contain words; it can be pictures or simply drawings in a standalone form.

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To avoid reinventing the wheel, below are a few resources/activities/workbooks that can help guide the story.

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Remembering a Beloved Pet (Kidlutions, Solutions for Kids)

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I Miss My Pet: A Workbook for Children About Pet Loss (Katie Nurmi)

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Chance's Spot - Pet Loss Grief and Support

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From Lucy and Co offers a personalized pet loss book designed for children. You will be asked to answer questions about the pet which she will turn into a story.​​​​​​​​​

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